I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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