A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
