Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
