He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
