i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
