I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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