I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
