I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
