you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just google imaged poop.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
