why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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