So drunk its hurt
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
