I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
