I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
