there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
