i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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