You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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