i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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