I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
