well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
