We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
