My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
