We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
