Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the raccoons are back...
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