WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
