Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
