The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
