I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
