and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
