she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
