I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
