Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
