take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
