They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
