are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
