your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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