is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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