I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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