Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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