I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
