When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
