your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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