There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
