We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
