you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
