Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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