seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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