I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the day after is always just damage control
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
