Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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