I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
