We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
do nipples grow back?
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