Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I only lived at night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
