We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
